Top 5 Non-Stories of 2006

And now, the Top 5 Not News Stories of 2006:

These are stories that mattered to no one except the people directly involved in them, yet somehow managed to get covered on formerly respectable network newscasts along the economic and war news.

5. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn Break-Up: C'mon! They met while filming a movie called The Break Up. Did anyone really think it was gonna last?

4. Tom Cruise: Anything about Tom Cruise is of no interest to me. His craziness, his feud with the producers of South Park, his wedding, his baby, his latest lameass movie. I don't give half a crap about any of it.

3. Michael Richards' "Rascist Meltdown": Washed up second banana from over rated sitcom goes has an onstage breakdown and begins a second career of apologizing. Big Deal.

2. Mel Gibson's Drunk Driving Stop: Mel Gibson doesn't like Jews? This is a surprise? Not so much. We've known this at least since The Passion of the Christ.

1. Ohio State/Michigan Game: Here in Columbus, Ohio,this would top the list every year, but this year, because the teams were ranked first and second by whoever ranks college football teams, the national media picked up on the madness. I'd call it a "Perfect Storm," but I really hate that overused cliche, so I'll just call it utter nonsense.