Runners Up for the WORD's Story of 2006

Call me superstitious, but I will not name The Word From On High's 2nd Biggest Story of 2006 until the year is officially over. After all, something big still could happen in the next two days, and if I jump the gun it probably will.

Now, I say the 2nd biggest story because the biggest story of the past twelve months, and likely for several more years to come, is the war in Iraq, but that's a story that's hard for me to write about with in my trademark flip, irreverent style, especially with a nephew in the Army and in the middle of that mess.

Barring any unforeseen breaking news before midnight on Sunday, however, I have already picked out my candidate for 2006's 2nd Biggest News Story, and will tell the world on Tuesday.

When TIME magazine named its first Man of the Year in 1927, the goal was not just to fill the mag in a slow news week, but also to correct what TIME's editors and readers considered a major oversight. The year's top newsmaker, Charles Lindbergh, had not appeared on TIME's cover at the time he made his historic trans-Atlantic flight earlier that year. Similarly, my 2nd Biggest Story of 2006 is something that I have previously not written about on this blog.

Meanwhile, here is a list of the Top 5 Runners-Up for 2nd Biggest Story of the Year:

5. Dick Cheney's Hunting "Accident": People he doesn't like, he just tells to "F*** off!" but his friends, he shoots in the face.

4. The Cartoon Riots: What outrages me is not that these cartoons dared to depict the prophet Mohammed, but that, for the most part, they were pretty lame.

3. Democrats Take Back Both Houses of Congress: A story that is, in very large part, an offshoot of the Biggest Story of the year.

2. Where's Fidel? Cuban leader Fidel Castro is reportedly very, very ill and has not been seen or heard from for months, leaving little bro Raul in charge. I'm beginning to suspect that Fidel has, in actuality, been dead since at least August.

1. Men Stuck In Chimneys. 2006 saw a strange rash of people getting stuck in their chimneys, and in two of the three cases I've reported on this year, when the guys were freed they were not wearing their pants. I blame Global Warming.