The Question of Sanjaya's "Friend"

We know turn our attention once again to the "Sanjaya Installation" video that popped up on YouTube a couple of weeks ago and which I embedded here last Wednesday. We leave aside the question of the true identity of Sanjaya Malakar/Bill Vendall/John Galt/Whoever and consider instead the gender identity of the person in behind Sanjaya/Vendall.

Ok, I thought upon first seeing this video, and I still believe it to be true, that this was a woman. But many people apparently think it's a man. The poster of the version of the "Sanjaya Installation" that first saw on Entertainment Weekly's site and used here introduces it by saying that "Bill Vendall and his gay friend announce that Sanjaya was a fraud." A comment on another poster's version of the video began. "Those two fags..." (I, of course, read no further. I have enough intolerant thoughts of my own--mostly directed at my co-workers--that I need read no one else's hate speech.)

So, the question is: Effeminate man or androgynous woman; which is it?

Take another look at the clip and tell me what you think.

Who is Sanjaya, Anyway?

So, first this vid shows up, claiming Sanjaya was merely a hoax perpetrated by an art student named Bill Vendall:

Now, another video surfaces, claiming that Bill Vendall is the hoax and Sanjaya is really real.

So, just who is real? Sanjaya? Bill Vendall? Me?

God, I'm so confused!!

Idol Gossip: Ding Dong! Hairboy's Gone!

Couldn't post yesterday. The time that I wasn't busy preparing for this weekend's SPACE show was spent in gleeful jumping up and down for joy after Wednesday's American Idol results show!

As our 38th president famously said upon stumbling, literally and metaphorically, into the Oval Office: "Our long national nightmare is over."

Yes, my faith in the judgment of the American people has been, at least partially, restored. (Though I still have no idea why Blake ended up in the bottom 3 rather than Chris Richardson, who gave an utterly ridiculous performance on Tuesday.)

Sanjaya has left the building!!!

I have never been so glad to be wrong. I was really afraid that Lakisha was going home this week, but good taste and sense finally prevailed to send Hairboy packing. (Even though he went out by changing the lyrics of "Something To Talk About" to "Let's give 'em something to talk about; other than hair," the truth is that there really wasn't anything else to discuss about this kid, certainly not his singing talent.)

So, it looks like Simon Cowell will not be replaced by David Hasselhoff next season. Cowell, as you must know, had threatened to quit if Sanjaya actually won. (The idea of the Hoff replacing him is something I thought of just now.) I have only one question for the Cowell: If Hairboy sucked that much, what the bloody @#!% was he doing there in the first place? You, and Squiddly and Diddley--as you referred to Randy and Paula a couple weeks back, sent him to Hollywood, then passed him on to the top 24. If you didn't think he should win, why on Earth did you let him go that far? Had he gone all the way, Si, you three would have had only yourselves to blame. So quit your damned bitching and moaning already, ok?

So, what's next for Sanjaya? What is the next career move for someone who has risen to national, even international, fame by making of himself a public laughingstock? Why, the answer should seem obvious: VH-1!

After spoiling the Idol tour this summer, expect Sanjaya and his hair to either show up on The Surreal Life or in his own show; Life With Sanjaya or something like that.

Well, the sideshow is over now, and the curtain truly rises on the main attraction: The rise of Melinda Doolittle to becoming the next American Idol!

Idol Should "Give Back" To V Tech Victims

Last night, Ryan Seacrest, the Cowell and a couple of the American Idol hopefuls expressed sympathy and solidarity for the victims of Monday's Virginia Tech massacre. I think they should do more and put some money where their mouths are.

Idol's producers should take just a small portion of the cash they are raising with next week's "Idol Gives Back" event and set up a relief fund for the victims and families. If, as Seacrest boasted, one corporate giant is forking over five million bucks, half a mil or a million would be a drop in the bucket, but would help the V Tech victims and families offset medical and funeral expenses as well as further show the concern for alleviating human suffering that this big hoopla is supposed to demonstrate.

Actually, I really do expect Seacrest to announce just this type of plan on the results show tonight, and I'll be quite disappointed if he does not.

Idol Speculation: Lakisha Will Exit Tonight.

With little over an hour, as I type this, until tonight's American Idol results show, I thought I'd offer some predictions.

Safe this week:

Phil--this was his best performance yet. If he can keep this up, he might challenge Blake for a spot in the top 3.

Blake--another fine performance, and great job of finding a country song suited to his style.

Jordin--an amazing performance. Simon is right: if she can keep up that level of intensity, she's got a real shot at the Idol title.

Melinda--Her performance was HOT! I'd never heard of the song she chose, or the artist who recorded it, and as far as I'm concerned it will forever be associated with Melinda Doolittle.

The Bottom Three:

Sanjaya--What can I even say? He's Sanjaya, for Pete's sake! What the bloody hell is he even still doing there?

Chris--His nasally, twangy vocal sounded almost like a deliberate parody of country music.

Lakisha--Her weakest performance yet.

Probably Headed Home Tonight:

Lakisha. I've compared her in the past to Season 5's Mandisa, and it was country week that proved Mandisa's undoing last season. I think we've seen the last of Kiki until the tour.

Check back tomorrow to witness the unfailing accuracy of my precognitive powers.

Covington's "Different World" in a World of It's Own.

You know, I'm not exactly sure how old Season5 American Idol finalist Bucky Covington actually is, but I know he isn't yet even 30, and probably not even 25. In his debut single, "A Different World," which is, to my disappointment, not the theme from the 198o's Cosby Show spin-off, Covington croons about a redneck's idealized version of what seems to be the 1950's, when times were simpler and, once presumes, better. It's a backwoods paradise where moms smoked and drank, cars had no seatbelts, and there were only three channels on TV, and Covington sings about it as if were his childhood that he's describing. That may be the case for whoever actually wrote the song, but the Buckster is, as I stated above, in about his mid-20's and thus came of age in the 1980's and 90's where the dangers of smoking and drinking were well documented, seatbelts were nearly universal and their use mandated in many states, and cable channels proliferated.

However, Covington has become a stronger singer than he was back in his Idol days, and "A Different World" really isn't such a bad song if you don't think too much about it--which I suppose is true for all country music (and the majority of rock and pop, too, to be fair.)

The Quotable Simon Cowell: Season 6; Top 10

To Lakisha: "Love those boots. Now you're 30 years younger this week."

After "going to commercial" music started playing during his critique of Chris Sligh: "I haven't finished yet. Not the Oscars."

To Gina: "The transformation from 3 or 4 weeks ago to tonight is literally chalk and cheese." Now, I understood what he meant, but, to avoid anyone else misunderstanding, he probably should have gone with a more classic alchemical metaphor, such as lead into gold.

To Sanjaya: "Well, I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room tonight....I don't think that it matters anymore what we say. I genuinely don't. I think you are in your own universe and if people like you--Good Luck!"

To Blake: "Where you've got to be careful here is...is because you're in this Chris Daughtry zone at the moment where you're doing your own thing. You've got to be careful, though, not to become too indulgent, and, as Randy said, it's a bit boring."

When asked which of the Bottom 2 would likely be going home: " I think it's Bye-Bye, Curly."

Idol Gossip: Time To Make A New Prediction

The biggest surprise of last night's American Idol results show, at least for me, was that Gwen Stefani's performance didn't suck. Being well on my way to becoming a grumpy old fart, I'm not all that hip to the sounds that those crazy kids are digging these days. A couple of months ago, however, I happened to be watching some music awards show, which one I honestly can't remember, where Stefani did an absolutely awful song that, for no apparent reason, incorporated bits of "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound of Music. After suffering through that, I was utterly dreading having to endure another Stefani song and even considered skipping the show except for the last five minutes just to see who got booted. However, the song Stefani sang last night was actually listenable, and even kind of good. It sort of reminded of Madonna around the time of her True Blue album.

It's funny that both guys who took on Police songs ended up in the bottom three. Phil's "Every Breath You Take" really was his best performance yet, but I could tell as soon as Chris Sligh finished his rendition of "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" that I'd soon have to amend my prediction of the winner. Perhaps Sligh should have used Sanjaya's hair stylist.

I've read that The Cowell has stated he will quit the show if Sanjaya wins. He should be careful about saying things like that, as some might see that as reason to vote for Hair Boy. Y'know, it might be worth the kid winning just to see if Si would actually do it.

Anyway, now for my updated prediction. My choice of Chris Sligh as a likely winner was actually based on a not so slightly cynical assumption that the best singer could not possibly win. However, despite Hair Boy's continued presence, it seems that the voters might surprise me and actuall throw the contest to the most talented vocalist. If that's going to be the case, then the winner will definitely be Melindal Doolittle.

The Quotable Simon Cowell: Season 6; Top 11

After Paula suggested that nervous contestants should picture Simon undressed: "I'm asking Paula: Is that what you think about?"

To Haley: "You naughty little thing!...I think people are going to talking about a lot more than your singing tonight." Obviously a reference to the outfit she was barely wearing.

Responding to boos from the audience: "Sorry. Sorry for having an opinion." I don't think he really is sorry.

Ryan (sitting with Lakisha after her performance): "Hey, Cowell, what don't you like about this (Lakisha's) dress?"

Simon: "Your department."

To Jordan: "You sang it beautifully, but I feel like jumping off a bridge.....It was soooo gloomy."

To Sanjawa (indicating a young girl in the audience in tears): "I think the little girl's face says it all." Of course, she was actually happy about hearing Sanjawa sing. She and all her little friends are probably who vote for him every week. Shouldn't they be in bed? It is a school night, after all.

Criticizing Paula's advice to Gina: "All this 'feel free' nonsense; that's not advice. You've got to sing well. That's what this competition should be about."

To Melinda: "Melinda, I have to ask you a question. Are you really as nice as you seem?" I think she is, and although I may have predicted that Chris Sligh will win, the one I truly want to win is Melinda Doolittle.

Idol Gossip: Listen To Lulu!

Haley Scarnato set the tone for this week's American Idol performances right off the bat on Tuesday night. I loved everything about it: the song, the dancing, and especially the outfit. (I now wish to amend a statement I made two weeks ago: As of now, Haley is the Idol hopeful I most wish to see topless photos of on the web.)

In retrospect, Stephanie Edwards probably did deserve to leave this week. Simon was pretty much dead on about her "losing her soul," and all the other contestants kicked up their performances to a whole new level, except for Melinda and Lakisha, who were already there. This wasn't Lakisha's best performance, however. She probably should have listened to Lulu and done the other song she was considering. (That's this week's moral: Always listen to Lulu!) Even Sanjawa showed a small glimmer of something resembling actual talent in his rendition of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me." He may now be good enough to perform at a high school homecoming dance. If, that is, it's a small town rural school with a very small entertainment budget, kind of like the one I attended way back in the misty depths of the 1980's.

In Sanjawa's case, not going with the other song he was considering, Herman's Hermits' "I'm Into Something Good," was the best move. With that song, he most likely would have given his standard weak showing and gone home last night. I still cannot see him going much further.

I thought it was funny that at the end of last night's results show, Seacrest said, "Coming up next...Brad Garrett's show," as if he couldn't be bothered to remember the name of the steaming pile of possum dung. A promo during Idol touted the show as "Wednesday's No. 1 comedy." Big, fat, greasy deal! It was on after the most popular show on television. A half hour close up shot of my ass would get big ratings in that time slot. Ratings prove nothing, the show still sucks.

Latest "IDOL" Non-Controversy: What WOULD Jesus Sing (If he were on IDOL)?

`Idol' Contestant's Faith Questioned

I do not even have the time to go into all that pisses me off about that article. Mostly it is the narrow minded view that those so-called "Christians" hold of how a "Christian" is supposed to act and even what kind of music they're supposed to like. That Chris Sligh isn't standing up on the American Idol stage every week actively trying to save the souls of America's great unwashed masses of heathens and liberals doesn't make him any less of a "Christian." Frankly, most of the so-called "Christian Rock" that I've heard has been pretty lame, and Sligh wouldn't even have made into the Top 12 if he'd sang that garbage. Moreover, I don't need anyone, even if he is the next American Idol, trying to force his lifestyle on me, just as I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

C'mon, people, leave him alone. Let him win Idol, and get his recording contract. Then you can be pissed off if he doesn't make exactly the CD that you believe that that your narrow minded god would want him to make. But by that time, I doubt he'll care.

The Quotable Simon Cowell: Season 6; Top 12

Opening remarks: "This stage changes everybody, Ryan. It's a whole new ballgame." ...and Melinda and Lakisha are still hitting Grand Slam homers every time.

To Brandon: "You came over, if you don't mind me saying, as a background singer for a background singer." Mind? Gee, Si, why would anyone mind?

Exchange with Seacrest after Melinda complains about having to wear high heels on stage:

Ryan: "Simon, any advice about the high heels?"

Simon: "You should know, Ryan."

Ryan: "Stay out of my closet."

Simon: "Come out."

Ryan: "This is about the Top 12, not your wishes."

Seems to me that Seacrest got the better of that exchange.

To Melinda: "You remind of a young Gladys Knight."

To Chris Sligh: "I would keep your glasses on because I think it's you." Plus your eyes get all squinty and that's just not attractive at all, not to mention a bit creepy.

To Sanjaya: "When you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, that is where Diana Ross is watching this. She's gonna freak when she hears this.....The only similarity is the hairstyle." Oddly, the female judge is the only one who doesn't seem obscessed with the kid's hair.

To Chris Richardson: "Remembering that this is a singing competition, take you out the equation with your charm and personality. Listen to the vocal. I thought it was dreadful."

Idol Gossip: Uh...er...Line, please?

Doubtless thou shalt nevermore cast doubt upon my peerless powers of prognostication in the wake of last night's American Idol results show. Did I not fearlessly forecast that Sanjaya was safe this week and one of those who flubbed their lyrics on Tuesday would depart? Of course, the prediction was so Nostrodamusishly (yes, I realize it's not a "real" word) vague that any one of three people could have been voted off and I could have claimed to have correctly foreseen it. Hopefully, the judges were right about the mysterious epidemic of amnesia being the result of nerves resulting from moving to the bigger stage and larger audience and by next week those who remain will be over it.

Simon repeatedly emphasizes that Idol is a "singing competition," and even spoke of how Chris Richardson's vocal performance was awful if you "...take you out the equation with your charm and personality..." The thing is, Si, that this is television and charm and personality go a long way. If you really want Idol to be only about singing talent, then you should broadcast it on radio, or maybe have the contestants perform behind a blue screen on which is projected silent clips from Sailor Moon cartoons. (?!) I stand by my prediction of the eventual winner, and will until Chris Sligh gets voted off, but if vocal talent were the only thing that determined the winner of Idol, Mandisa or Chris Daughtry would have won last season and this season's finale would be the Melinda and Lakisha show. But I don't think that's going to happen.

However, I think that even if neither of those two win, they will go far in the competition and eventually be bigger stars and have longer careers than whoever does win.

Random Bits of Randomness

Here are some other stories that, as they say on TV, we are following here in the Word From On High newsroom:

As far as I know, Captain America, much like Generalissimo Francisco Franco, is still dead.

Van Halen, whether or not they really belonged there, could, for the most part, not even be bothered to show up to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The eponymous Van Halen brothers and original lead singer "Diamond" David Lee Roth skipped the shindig, leaving only lame substitute Sammy Hagar and the other guy in the band who's name no one ever remembers (and I remember the name of the "other guy in Wham!") to accept the accolades.

Viacom is suing Google and its recently aquired subsidiary YouTube for copyright infringement. I want to find out more about this story before I formulate any opinions for public consumption.

I'll have my full American Idol update for the week in a day or two, but I think it's safe to say that Sanjaya Malakar, who belongs in Idol's Top 12 as much as Van Halen belongs in the Rock Hall of Fame, is safe for another week. His vocals may have been weak and totally overwhelmed by the band and background singers, but at least he remembered his lyrics onstage. Look for one of the three or four amnesiacs to check out tonight.

More and these stories and others as they develop.

The Quotable Simon Cowell: Season 6; Semi-Finals Week 3

To Sanjaya: "Maybe it's your hair that's keeping you in." Well, that and his smile.

After Jared performed: "I'm sort of disappointed over all because I'm not hearing the 'wow' factor." Is that related to the "X Factor" that you're always talking about?

To Sabrina: "It actually reminded me of a hotel resort performance." To which Paula responded: "If you're performing at any hotel, I'll go there," and Simon shot back, "Good. I'll send you."

To Antonella: "I feel for you because you've taken a lot of stick in the media. (If it hadn't been live TV, he probably would have used a different word.) I think you've handled yourself well throughout. I don't think anyone should be put in that position." That almost, I say almost, makes me feel bad about what I wrote about Antonella in the previous post.

To Haley Scarnato: "You know what I said to Paula about halfway through the song: I don't know your name." While Haley hasn't made an impression on the Cowell, she apparently made enough of an impression on viewers to sneak into the Top 12. (Y'know, she's got nice hair, too. Of course the "hair theory" utterly fails to explain Phil Stacy.)

To Melinda: "You little tiger. I thought we had a pussycat."

On why Sundance got cut: "The volume was turned down?"

About Idol's big charity event: "At the end of the day, all of us have done very well out of this show, so I'm glad that we can do something back." However, as I said in the last post, it would mean more, to me at least, if you could give something back without a camera pointed at you.

Idol Gossip: The Top 12 Is Set

With American Idol's Top 12 in place, as of yet I do not have to revise my initial prediction of the eventual winner. Chris Sligh remains in the running with a good shot at being the next Idol. Of course, there are 10 other hopefuls who also have a good chance of taking the prize.

Sanjaya Malakar, on the other hand, should never have made it past Wednesday of Hollywood Week and won't be there for big charity bash that Ryan Seacrest announced on Thursday's results show. That Sundance Head failed to garner enough support from the American public to continue on to the finals may be the biggest injustice perpetrated on Idol so far this season, and perhaps ever. This what happens when you give people free will and let them vote on stuff: G.W. Bush gets a second term and Sundance gets the boot. Even though this week's performance was his best of the live shows so far, and I'll admit that's not really saying much, Simon was probably at least half right when he made that crack about Sanjawa's hair keeping him in. The kid's got a nice smile as well.

Antonella Barba's eviction, on the other hand, was both expected and about two weeks overdue. Now that she's off the show, she is free to pursue her true destiny of posing for Playboy (or maybe Penthouse) and dieing of a drug overdose before the age of thirty. I did read in yesterday's Columbus Dispatch that Barba has recieved endorsement offers from the producers of Girls Gone Wild and a web site that rents "adult" DVDs, based, I should assume, on the fact that topless pics of her have surfaced on-line and Johnny DiLorretto hinted in his Fox28 Newscenter Idol wrap-up that more are coming. (Too Much Information Department: To be perfectly honest, if I were to seek out topless photos of any of this year's top 12 women, it would be Gina Glockson.)

As for the "big announcement" on Thursday that Idol will be doing a week of "special" shows to benefit charity and that Coke, AT&T and other Idol advertisers will donate cash to various causes for every vote cast: I am unimpressed. In my opinion, if these soulless megacorporations that rake in obscene profits off the sweat of the working poor in America and all over the world really cared about helping the very people they're screwing over with their rampant greed then they would just give a portions of their hideoulsy bloated profits to charity without all the hoopla and without having to tie it into a PR campaign or an effort to increase their sales and pull in even more profit. In fact, if Coke and AT&T and Fox and Idol's producers were to just give money without trying to cash in on it to increase their ratings or sales, that would actually bring them a lot more positive PR then a stunt like this.

By the way, when, after Sabrina got the boot, Ryan said in a stage whisper, "No doubt one of the most intense episodes we've ever had; live here as we formulate the top twelve," didn't he sound exactly like a commentator at a golf match?

The Quotable Simon Cowell: Semi-Finals Week 2

To Sanjaya: "It was like some ghastly lunch where after lunch your parents have asked the children to dress up and sing." Is that how you got into the music biz, Si?
To Brandon: "All this 'I'm feeling it' nonsense doesn't work."
"I love Grandmas."
"And I like puppies." ...to use for football (soccer) practice.
To Alaina: "It was like Randy taking part in a hundred meter sprint; i.e. three quarters of the way through the race, he would run out of steam."
To Melinda: "We've had some precocious little monsters on this show..." Let me be clear that he was saying that Melinda is just the opposite of that.
Responding to Antonella: "Let me be absolutely clear. We put Jennifer Hudson in American Idol. The American audience decided to vote her out."
Referring to Leslie's scatting: "...that bit at the end you sounded like Paula talking. That's what it reminded me of. Paula judging the show."
To Sabrina: "Don't confuse power with shouting." Also good advice for writers of super-hero comics.

Idol Gossip: Not Feeling So Darned Good Now, Are Ya?

It's time for this peerless prognosticator to predicate another peerless prediction: I frankly and fearlessly forecast that the song "Feeling Good" will never, ever again be heard upon the American Idol stage.
Face it, faithful followers, after this past week, you could not be blamed for believing that the song is somehow cursed. Or perhaps Idol voters just don't dig it. The facts, however, are utterly unassailable. After A.J. and Leslie both crooned that tune, they were summarily suffered a premature departure from the show while others far more deserving of a ticket back to total obscurity continue their Idol sojourn, remaining to torture America's timpanic membranes for another week at least.
Why Antonella Barba remains on the show is an utter mystery to me, though it could be, as former Other Paper writer Johnny DiLorretto theorized in his Idol wrap-up on Channel 28's Newscenter, that she's enjoying the effects of the publicity surrounding the topless photos of her that have surfaced on the Interweb. (As to whether a report on a TV talent competition actually belongs on a broadcast purporting to be a news show, that is a rant for another time. You can't fault DiLorretto, of course, since, coming from TOP, he wouldn't know real news if it bit him on the ass.)
Sanjaya should probably have been kicked to the curb as well, but that's a little less of a mystery. He's sticking around because America thinks he's cute. As The Cowell spake last week, "...(T)hey'll like your hair," and that might just be barely enough to carry the kid into the Top 12.

Are They Live or Mammorex?

Speaking of the burning issues of the day; here's one that had me tossing and turning at night, unable to get to sleep (and you thought I just drank too much coffee). I ran across this clip on YouTube in which American Idol runner-up (aka "loser") Katherine McPhee goes on the Tyra Banks Show to settle once and for all the question of whether or not her breasts are "real." The answer? To quote Teri Hatcher in a famous, but not very funny (like all of them), episode of Seinfeld: "They're real. And they're spectacular!" By the way, this clip is not for the kids.

The Quotable Simon Cowell: Season 6 Semi-Finals Week 1

To Paul Kim: "I would suggest that you put your shoes on next week."

Unfortunately, he won't have a chance to either follow or ignore that advice, because he went home Thursday.

To Sanjaya Malakar: "I tell you what; they'll like your hair."

On Chris Sligh's performance: "I kind of felt I was at some weird student gig."

I'm confused. Which is weird, Si, the gig or the student? (Actually, in Sligh's case, it's definitely the student.)

To Ryan Seacrest, responding to the charge that he was too "negative": "Unlike you, I actually respect the audience at home and I don't believe in lieing to them."

About Amy Krebs: "When you sing, you have the personality of a candle."

To Ryan, concerning Alaina Alexander: "Are you trying to date this girl?"
After Lakisha Jones sang: "I am very tempted to say to 23 people, 'Book your plane tickets home.'"

To Ryan, about Lakisha: "The lady standing next to you now basically has thrown down the gauntlet."