RIIING!!!!! Hello, It's Michael Jackson

Jackson stops calling ABC Sports

Turns out that headline concerns the retirement of veteran ABC sportscaster Keith Jackson, but when I first saw it, I actually thought it was about Michael Jackson making telephone calls to ABC Sports. Why would he be doing that? Who knows? Maybe he wanted to complain about something--perhaps Monday Night Football going to ESPN--or maybe he was just lonely and needed someone to talk to but all the eleven year old boys were in school, or maybe they were crank calls like Bart makes to Moe's Tavern on The Simpsons. And then today, no matter what the reason for his calls, he stopped. No one at ABC Sports is sure just why he stopped, but they're sure of one thing and that's that they miss him. Sure, his constant phone calls were annoying at first, but he's since become their creepy little phone buddy and life just won't be the same without him around.

Yeah, I really don't care too much about sports or sportscasters. I like my story better.