The Vast Valentine's Day Conspiracy

This might strike you as--what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yea--completely freakin' nuts, but I have long thought that Valentine's Day is a conspiracy against me, designed to make me more depressed than I, by nature, usually am by reminding that I am, always have been and always will be unloved and utterly alone in the world. The conspiracy is run by the Hallmark corporation which, I have concluded, is headed by a cabal of my ex-girlfriends and other women from my past led by a particularly evil wench from my college days who I shall refer to here only by her initials: C.K. (but if you're reading this, "C.K.", you know who you are and now you know that I'm onto you and your nefarious scheme!)
Crazy? No more crazy than believing that a "lone gunman" with a "magic bullet" killed JFK.